This week let us look into an overlooked dynamic that is rarely talked about in our culture.
Generally, we think of desire as a good thing or a pleasant feeling. This seems reasonable, since it is relating to something we want, some experience we want to have, to enjoy. Isn’t that pleasant? Imagining the enjoyable experience can seem enjoyable, and any fantasy about having that experience would include imagining the pleasure or good feelings that we crave. Yet what is also true is that we are in fact not having it. If this absent experience is contrasted with what we are having now, and we find our present experience lacking, this will tend to elicit a form of suffering.
From the Book of Not Knowing
I’m not sure if this fits, but a long time ago I realized that there was no fundamental difference to the quality of life standing in the Taj Mahal or in a dirt floored shack. Both are simply dwellings. The rest is mind. And if you don’t mind, you can be happy no matter where you are.
People often think that if they accept life as-is they will give up all aspirations to attain something better. This is really just a red-herring, and it is what much of our dissatisfaction is based upon. But it is just not true. There is nothing in ending suffering that requires we give up creating or building or attaining something. We simply have to make sure such “visions” are grounded in reality and based on commitment. Then our ambitions can be channeled into a reality.
Yet, you need to make a distinction between drives and ambitions generated in an attempt to keep you distracted from underlying pain, or simply creating something because you want to do so. Ask yourself: what motivates you to pursue attaining something? Is it the promise that it will “fix” you, or make your life experience tolerable? Pursuits based on this drive I call a self-agenda (something we will look into more later on). But if it isn’t based on a self-agenda, you can create or attain whatever you want without it being related to avoiding suffering or trying to fix you or remedy your distress. Notice, in this way, you are also OK without attaining anything. Then you are happy with life as it is, as well as happy with whatever you may be building or creating.
From Ending Unnecessary Suffering
I am happy because I want nothing from anyone. I do not care about money. Decorations, titles or distinctions mean nothing to me. I do not crave praise. I claim credit for nothing. A happy man is too satisfied with the present to dwell too much on the future.
Albert Einstein
Contemplate during the week:
Observe a situation in your life when you want to be somewhere else, other than where you are at the time. Can you see that in those moments there is suffering in your experience?
How are the things that you desire in life related to your suffering?
From Ending Unnecessary Suffering book on Desire: